


Vindicta

by Kiki_dragon_age



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Love/Hate, M/M, Other, Post-Canon, Revenge, Romance, Slow Burn, Trespasser DLC
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-08-10 05:37:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7832419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiki_dragon_age/pseuds/Kiki_dragon_age
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Solas is a god who will try to revive Elvhenan by destroying the world as we know it. He gave the foci to Corypheus , took your hand , could't keep his hands to himself and after you begged him to take you- he left you behind.<br/>The Inquisitor is in revenge mode for a good reason and has a serious case of sexual frustration ( fade smut doesn't count guys).<br/>The Inquisition is disbanded and everyone chose their way. They keep Lavellan away as a liability but she has other plans for her future. As another war lingers above Thedas the ex Inquisitor prepares for her last mission.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> I romanced Solas almost in all my playthroughs. I find his story very Shakespearean and I love the way his dialogue/character evolves from the Haven scene to the end of Trespasser. But - even though I always choose the ''I will save you from yourself''option I am a bit mad at the end for the reasons I give in the summary. I am not an English native speaker and this is my first try!I will be more than grateful for any constructive criticism and I really hope you enjoy. I will update weekly.

She could hear the sounds of tiny birds dancing outside of her window. Curiosity led her to see what kind of bird can sing this time in the morning. The sun is picking behind the mountains creating shapes of light on the sea. You can sense the stillness of the world here, the eternal growth of nature, the ultimate innocence that only the ignorance possesses. The flowers don't know nor the mountains or the sea. They will be here ,still, when everyone else is dead. She turns from the window and walks back to the bed. One bed, two chairs and a table. Her home for the last three weeks. She hates it. It's not a house, it's a shed like every other place she lived in the last five months. When she was with her clan the best castle was the forest but it was easy to miss the luxury of Skyhold. She doesn't need Orlesian ballrooms , just a warm bath and a nice blanket.

Ellana sits at the chair and removes the prosthetic hand, the phantom pains are almost gone but the empty sleave is a constant memory of what happened. In a moment she betrayed everyone but above all herself. Stupid heart taking over the lead when is less needed. Why she couldn't be more like him- not him never like him, like Cassandra or Dorian. Her friends. She moves her head back and inhales the morning mist. When the Inquisition got disbanded she promised to stay hidden, she considered even killing herself, so many others died in this war but it was not a option. They considered that probably would enrage him. She never believed that, but it was not her choice. Abandoning her friends it would be wrong and she knew she was a piece on the war table. Nothing more.They only option she has now is revenge.

Why the Gods fight constantly with the mortals? They have their Golden cities, their eternal life and endless memories. They can stay with each other sharing their perfection. They have everything or they can create it yet they choose to bring their weakness to the world and destroy it again and again. She looked around for a bottle. She doesn't know if she's thirsty or if she needs to throw something at the wall. Enough self pity for today. We have a war and we must win it and after that she will dance barefooted on his grave before she dies beside him.

Three knocks at the door and runs hastily to open, only one person comes to visit when they decide to move her. No one knows where to find her , not even Dorian. It was a tough decision but when your enemy visit your dreams you must be careful.

''Hello Lace, another trip to for me today? Free ticket to Antiva and 12 bottles of Brandy for my disposal?'' Harding laughs but looks around suspiciously. Master Agent Harding now. She follows her look around the room.

''Really Lace? What do you expect? A spy nug? The only person who is a threat to me is my self. I will start to talk with the spiders if you'll continue keeping me...''

Lost for word she raises her hands and turns away.

''I've never asked any of this. I never wanted power or influence. I was happy with my clan. Ignorance is bliss and I was overjoyed, believe me. A hunter among others. If I could turn the time back I would have never volunteered to spy at the Conclave.'' She looked at her with sorrow in her eyes. ''Don't you dare pity me! Let's go.'' She stopped and touched her missing arm.

''One more thing, just tell me if everyone is still alive''

''They are.''

''Everyone?'' She asks with a meaningful look.

''Yes, as far as I know. Everyone from the old team is alive and well. But I can't foresee the future. ''

Ellana felt all her muscles relax. What do I want? My feelings are traitors. I have somehow to brake those chains. Hate is more powerful than love and I have to fuel my motivation. The right motivation . With these thoughts starts packing her things. She doesn't deserve dying despising herself. With a last look behind she closes the door and follows Harding. Already in her mind unravels The Plan. She fought gods before and won.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Solas steps out of the tent and scans the grounds. He heard someone calling him but probably is the tension playing games with his senses. He places his left hand on his heart and takes a deep breath. He can't lose it now. He is finally so close. The last months was a blur, constantly on the move, searching planning, never taking a break, never forgetting his goal. Too many sacrifices for the People, but seeing this world and what had become his will became stronger.

The weather is extremely hot at the Western Approach. In the morning only, because at night, when the wind stands still a veil of frost covers everything , either alive or dead. The sand becomes sentient and Death walks freely among the living . Darkspawn still approaching the surface without an Archdemon to guide them.Lost souls. He uses his hand to wipe the sweat that nested on his upper leap. He turns on the other side and looks around the camp. If someone overlooked the hostile environment  almost felt like a tiny market in a big city. People talking laughing, swearing. He spotted his commanders at the far end. They examine information and his spies ready to move with orders at hand. Everything is under control and he feels proud. With the corner of his eye sees someone approaching. The elf is wearing a long dress the colour of the sand. It reveals her smooth skin as she moves, almost floating amongst the others. She looks like a tigress. Her creamy complexion radiates with energy and everything on her is symmetrical, like a statue. So Elvhen. She knows it and she uses it as a weapon.

''You look worried'' He doesn't but this is just an excuse to come closer. She circles him like a feline monster. He could have her now, under the sun shameless like the wolf he is. Two predators mating as they should -foolfing their destiny. She is a priestess of Andruil, when he waked them up she so easily accepted his offer. Never loyal to one master, a hunter must always survive. She could sense that her Lady was lost to the void so she offered her self and her sentinels to him. An excellent spymaster , almost as good as himself. The elves love her. They try to copy the way she dresses and moves, an example for the rest to follow, a dangerous example. Only Mythal's followers are alarmed around her and they are the only ones who she respects, almost. She puts her hand on his shoulder and brings her face closer. She smells like the forest.

''We are ready Fen'Harel'' She purrs. ''I have gathered my best scouts as you asked, a small group. I am thinking of joining them. I always enjoy a good hunt..''

He stops her. ''You are needed here''

She looks at his tent and nods ''There?''

Her generous mouth becomes a curve . She is so perfect. Like the rest of the Elvhen she doesn't have hair but she wears a floating scarf with shining stones.

'' On second thought , yes leave. The mission deserves someone with your experience''.

She raises her brow . ''Will you be following?''

''I am needed elsewhere''

''You still don't trust me''

''It's not about trust. We have to be careful. You don't give enough credit to our enemy. They might be young but not less cunning. I fought with them, I know''

''You did more than fighting with them, I wonder...If that changed your perception'' Her voice sweet and rough. He knows that she is setting a trap.

''You wouldn't be here Onara'' .

He dismisses her with a look and returns to his tent. He has planning to do and he doesn't need more enemies. He already has against him his greatest weakness.

It's already midday. The sun is licking the waves and yellow confetti dance on the air. It reminds her of the Fade. Harding didn't talked to her the whole trip and she didn't tried to initiate conversation. She feels tired already. Her companion looks at her but she avoids her eyes.

''May I ask our destination? ''

''Dragon Island''

''And I thought that it could be somewhere isolated, says with a tense in her voice.

'' I almost feel sad that we killed the dragon, it could be a nice company, free heating , feeds hims self, the best of pets''

''It's safe. We had a base there and another is near. Nobody will harm you''

It's time for me then to harm someone a little voice yells in her head. She looks at the horizon mesmerised from her own thoughts and returns to reality when they finally reach her new _home_. As soon as Harding lefts Ellana feels free again. This house is better equipped from the last hole she stayed. You can see the previous occupier's presence even now. A dirty plate is still on the table, scattered things on the floor. They must think really low about her to leave this mess behind. For what or whom they were here she doesn't know but they abandoned the place quickly. She remembers the days after the Exalted Council. They decided to find people HE doesn't know to run the operations. Leliana had ,as always, a full list of capable people to pass them the torch . The last time she received information had learned that HE focused on Tevinter. HE used spies and subtle attacks to spark a slave revolution. So now is a mystery why they have a base in Ferelden. Well, good for her, she is able to choose from four beds and they also left some excellent Tevinter wine.

She opens a drawer and brings out a peace of bread. At list they remembered that. She starts munching it and moves her self to a chair opposite the window.  Her hair are longer now and she hates it. She wishes someone could help her with a haircut. She stretches her legs on the wall and balances the chair on two legs. The door opens suddenly and she knocks her self down .

'' You know I had a dream seeing you this way Boss. Your back on the floor and your legs above your head'' Bull says as he gives her his hand to help her up.

''I am not your boss anymore Bull, honestly I don't even know If I ever was''. She nests her head in his chest. 

''Hahaha, you are a smart elf, I have to give you that.'' He pats her on the back but she holds him tight.

He looks around and spots immediately the wine.

''Let's drink then talk''

''Are you sure nobody saw you, are we safe?''

''Ben-Hasrath Boss. I lost the title not the skills.''

''Dorian?''She looks at him concerned.

''What? I've told you before. I gave you a promise, whenever you need an ass kicked I'll be there. Dorian has his job and I have mine''

''The problem is that your 'jobs' collide currently. I feel a bit guilty that you have to lie to him. '' She takes a breath. ''Honestly Bull if I stay like this any longer I will become a crazy person.''

''It was risky sending Cole, he is on his side''

''He is a spirit, he doesn't take sides, he goes where is needed. ''

''Yeah right.. tell that to the others.''

He takes a large sip from the wine and lays on the bed.

'' Do you sleep ok? You seem tired, I expected to see red cheeks and starry eyes, hahaha. I though the rural life was good for the health''

''Cut the crap Bull. No , I don't sleep well. I try to stay awake as long as possible in fear that in my sleep I will wonder in his dreams. And no, he haven't visited me for months now. I've told you, I've told to all of you he doesn't care. He took what he needed and left''

Bull looks at her as he opens his mouth to say something but he regrets it. He shakes his head and gives her the bottle. They can hear the wind running between the trees and a little fennec who roams outside. After they killed the dragon more animals appeared on the island. Probably they hided and now are free reign the land again.

''Are you sure you want to do that?Is it worth it? I mean it is not the best situation you could be Boss, but you are alive and well. You can't flip the finger with your left hand but you could have it worse'' He winks at her and takes back the bottle. '' The hand thing is the list of my problems Bull. Look at me. I am a ghost. My friends avoid me, strangers talk behind my back. I am treated almost as a traitor and everyone, even me, is scared that I will betray everything I tried to build. I was the fucking Inquisitor. I killed a lunatic Magister and stopped a demon invasion.''

'' I am with you Boss through and through your friend and everything, but you know, at the end...''

''A year for a second?''

'' You begged him to take you with him''

''Aggggrr, I should have kept my mouth shut. Probably now I would be at Val Royeaux drinking wine with the Divine and not with a Qunari Tal-Vasoth in an empty island.''

She squeezes his knee with affection. They know each other.

'' Probably true. Red is quite powerful now. Her little friends are still roaming around Thedas.''

Comfortable silence lingers between them and the third bottle wine is almost empty .

'' I regret I never tried him''

Ellana almost spits the wine she has in her mouth.

''Don't look me like that , after the incident with the Dreadnought he was overwhelmingly friendly. You know,you did the right thing Bull, he said you have now the Inquisition , you have me he said''. He winks at her and laughs.

''Seeing you like this gets me thinking how good he is. As a god he must have some amazing tricks. I should have asked him for tips but he always had a stick up his ass. I've never imagined. I have to ask you though. He screamed Elvhen Glory every time he elfed you up?''

''I see your time with Sera wasn't wasted.'' She gives him a sad smile ''I missed you''.

''Oh NoNoNo, you won't avoid the question. Dorian does all this magic crap to me and I need leverage. You had a god between your legs you must give me something''

'' He was never a god to me, not then not now , NEVER '' She raises her voice unwillingly. For the first time after months she feels alive again. She yelled and feels good.

'' Hey Boss, no offence . You know me. My brain sometimes works the wrong way''.

She tries to stand and knocks her chair. Tevinter wine is always strong.

'' Morrigan waits for us. I will go outside to throw up and as soon as I can walk without hitting the trees we are good to go''

''Nice talking with you boss''


	2. Connections

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW at the end. Constructive criticism more than welcome. I appreciate anyone who helps me improve. I hope you'll enjoy!

She detects something heavy on her chest, must be her prosthetic hand because it doesn't feel fleshy. Her eyelids refuse to open and every part of her body is on strike. Something stinks and her nostrils flicker from the horrific smell. With her right hand tries to feel her surroundings. Dirt hides under her nails and she touches rotten leaves. She opens her palm in disgust. Probably the night found her outside , but is hasn't rain in days. She doesn't dare to think why the ground turned to mud or if her hand rests on leaves and not something else. She brings her fingers to her nose. Oh the smell! Her mouth is in a worse state, where her tongue use to be now a thick shoe sole lies in her mouth.

She pushes her self up with using her elbow but the gravity pulls her down. Too much weight. She calls Bull but her voice is no more than a whisper. Someone is approaching, must be her companion or someone who came to check on her. As she tries to open her eyes once more, a waterfall covers her whole body and the frozen water stretches her skin.

''What the fuck Bull?'' She opens one eye.

''Is Bull isn't it?''

''The one and only'' She hears him chuckle. ''You certainly needed that. You smell worse than an Rivaini whorehouse and if you could take a look at yourself you would be veeeeery embarased''.

''Why am I here? Why I feel like I fought an Ogre?''

''We finished all the wine yesterday, the second time you went out to use the privy- well just say you lost your way home''

'' What the fuck Bull, you let me sleep outside?''

''No harm done. You are Dalish, you grew up in the wild. That's you natural environment. Well, without the puke on your clothes. And your hair. And under your nails..''

She raises her hand to stop. '' Help me up , I need a bath''

'' I just gave you one''

'' I need one where I am no sitting on my own filth and where I actually clean my self''

''Hey don't look at me like that. You could't move-I helped.''

Ellana tries to balance her herself but her legs doesn't work. Her brain feels smashed and she can see only shadows not shapes. She gets inside the hut and finds the little lavender soap she always carries. Jossie gave her a dozen of those before she returned to Antiva.

'' I will get back in ten minutes, are you ready?''

Bull founds a cosy corner on the bed and chews something. She doesn't even want to imagine what.

'' Always'' replies with a full mouth.

'' I can't believe how you manage to hold yourself like that.You seem like you just had a twelve hour beauty sleep.''

'' The power of the Qun'' says and winks.

She humphs and opens the door. '' Can you please bring me all the bottles with the fresh water?''

'' Hey, we need that water to survive. Go and wash yourself at the sea''

''Sorry can't do. I want to feel like a person again. Anyway we'll be off soon. We can find more water on our way. Keep some for our flasks and I am sure that we won't get thirsty til our next stop''.

'' Yeah about that, our way to where..?''

''I told you yesterday. We are meeting Morrigan''

''The crazy witch! Why always we have to meet someone crazy? I am afraid to ask why. No need to tell me''

'' Too late for backsies now. You should consider always before you give a promise. It was a sunny day at Skyhold. Up at the battlements.. ''

''Stop, yeah I know how the story goes''

''By the way ,we have to make a stop at Skyhold'' and without looking back she closed the door. Bull keeps looking at the empty space when the door opens again and Ellana's head pops up like a hand doll.

'' I need your help. Bring the water and help me wash, I can't do it with one hand'' She makes puppy eyes and smiles.

'' I thought that you've never asked''

''Any chance you know how to give a haircut?''

'' Do you see any hair on me?''

''Point taken''.

Ellana was wearing only her underclothes as Bull pours water on her hair. The lavender relaxes their senses and for a while both enjoy the sound of the running water and the perfumed atmosphere.

'' You left the Chargers with Dorian?''

''I left the Chargers with Krem who helps Dorian. He pays us you know. Chargers gotta live. He got me as a gift '' He looks at her mischievously.

''What was your excuse?''

''To come here you mean? I don't need an excuse''

'' But he won't be able to reach you''

'' I've got a business to run. He is not our only client''

''Thank you Bull. For... the bath'' Her look says more.'' I am going inside to change and in five minutes we are off''

''Why we have to travel through half of Ferelden? It's not safe. Couldn't the witch come here?''

''Unfortunately Morrigan is currently more bound than me. For various reasons''

''But _she_ can literally fly anywhere. And then we have also to stop at Skyhold? It will take us ages to get there. Through the mountains, the cold, the snow''

'' Believe me when I say that our options are limited. Am not happy going back either''. Her face hides behind a curtain of water and messy hair. If Bull could look in her eyes he could probably read her inner thoughts, the storm that's coming.

'' Well you are clean now . We might reach Crestwood before sundown''.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's been a day since Onara left but he haven't received a bird yet. Too early and he is too eager. An unpredictable ally  but she knows how to follow orders. The camp is serene without her presence. The huntress vibrates raw power and affects everyone. Even the animals. How much time they need until they find her, he considers as he touches his jaw and caresses his cleft chin. Their connection is strong in the Fade but the harder he tries to see her the more he fails. Like chasing a cat in a labyrinth. Sooner or later she'll come to him. Nobody made her to taste the Well of Sorrows, little she knew back then. From the moment her lips touched the eternal water her fate was sealed , first with her mother and now with him. She has to obey now the ones that tried to avoid her whole life. Flemeth frequented the Korcari wilds. If she is there, Onara will find her.

Someone approaches and he sees a shadow beside him. He returns the notes he holds on the table and keeps his head down.

''Compassion, you came back. Welcome old friend. I feared you felt unwelcome within the company I keep''

''You have other friends here. Everyone wants to be your friend and more..''He doesn't finish his sentence. 

''But what do you see in me? What I want?''

'' I see loneliness'' He twists his head and finds Cole now resting on his bedroll. Still the same clothes and big hat. I warm feeling gathers in his heart.

'' I see loneliness but I can't see why. Aching , searching. Too much pride.''

'' Sometimes the will who shapes the future requires many sacrifices'' 

'' Your self?'' 

'' If I am not my choices who am I?'' 

'' Regret'' 

'' No, I've past that point'' Silence in the room and Cole tries to read his expression, or his mind. 

''You want to ask'' 

''But I won't''

''Thank you''

''Since you came, may I ask if you want to join me?''

''I don't have a choice. You need me'' 

''You always have a choice with me. I conciser you my friend and I really hope you share the same feeling'' 

''But yet you doubt''

'' A weakness that afflicts my character for ages. I tried to battle with that demon for aeons. I sleep and wake with the fear I will lose the ones I love'' 

The complete absence of sound from either one is louder than words. Solas touches his wolf pelt. It hangs from his shoulder and covers half of his chest plate. He doesn't need it but the others around him do. 

''I will come''

Solas moves forward hungry for compassion. To feel again the warmth of brotherhood. 

'' I am not the only one''

For the first time Cole raises his eyes and looks straight at his soul. ''Please...'' A single word that says too much. Please don't remind me. Please give me time to prove I am not a villain from Dalish legends. Please don't remind me. Solitude has a freedom, please don't reveal the anchors that could hold me back. 

''Do what you must Solas. It's not in my nature to judge. I will be with you on the road''

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

''Finally'' Bull exlames ,''I can see Crestwood, you think they remember us?''

''It's hard to forger your big axe Bull''

''Especially that redhead who served us pies'' he pushes her with his elbow.

'' If it's not the axe it's the horns'' replies whimsically.

They walked for hours. Her feet are full of blisters and she can't remember the last time she put something in her mouth. Her stomach growls and Bull laughs. 

''Ten steps away from a hot pot of stew. Nine steps away from a thick slice of bread. Eight steps away from a big glass of mead''

''Don't mention alcohol. Ever! Again! And stop singing!'' She yells at him.

''Hey you use to be more fun in the days.'' He halts and turns to find her gaze.

''I will never forget! We were trying to find those bandits on the hill and instead we found a dragon! Hahaha! What a great day! Dorian shat his royal pants and started running the other way. I yelled at him to come and pray to his god but he said something I couldn't hear. He almost ate his moustache . You were stack in the middle looking both ways and poor Blackwall was waiting for your orders'' 

Tears ran from his eyes. For a very long time hasn't experienced tears of joy. She throws her pouch to the ground and runs towards him. The dust settles on them and the wind blows like in a try to strengthen their embrace. Her belly growls again.

'' Come on Ellana, let's go to feed you''. 

They walked in silence until the found Inn. The patrons inside are people who knows them. Unfortunately. News will fly where she doesn't want. They pas for their drinks and almost every villager paraded in front of them to express their gratitude. Her fear vanishes as she sees only happy faces around her. Thank the Gods nobody seems to know about her more personal affairs. They stay until late drinking (again) with the locals. They hear stories about the elves leaving the area . It is hard to find labour hands but they cope. She says her excuses and goes to their room upstairs. Bull recites their story with the dragon and everyone is on his feet. He won't stop before he finishes the story with the High dragon. As soon as she feels the pillow under her head she surrenders to blackness. 

The night is worm and dampness covers her clothes. Suddenly she can't find enough air inside the room. She raises her head and watches Bull's chest as it rises and falls calmly. It's still dark outside, only the pale light from the moon brings a breath of life to her surroundings. With a push she is on her feet . Walking at her toes walks reaches stairs and focuses her attention in any unnatural sounds. Carefully guides her body through chairs and tables,a strong smell of sweat and smoke tickles her nose and a sudden urge brings her outside. She turns her head to check if someone follows. An old habit , a good habit.

The innkeeper is not inside but the door is unlocked. The dry air removes the humidity from her body and she licks her lips. Ellana follows the path till she reaches the Old Market Road .The lake resembles a dance floor for the moonlight. So beautiful. She allows herself to relax and enjoy the night. Something crackles behind, she tries to find her daggers, and old reflex. Not on her back sadly.

''Don't yell''

She loses a heart bit and a hiss escapes her mouth. She takes a step back and the two forward , then back again. Her body is in confusion and she clutches her hands around her body in fear. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.  

''Leave, when I open my eyes I want you gone''. 

She counts to three and open her eyes.

''I know what your plan is Da'len. Return to your friends. You were never foolish. Don't act like one now'' 

''You came to warn me? How noble. But is uncommon for the hunter to warn his pray.'' She smiles and hugs herself tighter. He moves closer and now is able to smell his scent. Her body reacts in the familiar odour of wood and leather.

'' I am not your hunter. Listen to me. Don't let your stubbornness guide you. I beg you'' A sentence full of sorrow and sentiment. 

'' I should have Varricks's golden tongue. I feel desolate cause I can't find the right words '' She shakes her head. ''I have a god on his knees, begging me, a mortal, but pleading for what?'' She snorts. 

'' Your time is valuable as is mine. Return to your minions. Any second with you is a second lost. I am done trickster.'' With those words she starts to move but he grabs her arm. ''Never with you'' His fingers burn through her tunic even his hold is light. She can't count her breaths, her heart is sending blood quicker to her limps and between her thighs. Her voice trembles as she speaks.

'' Remove your hand Fen'Harel'' Her shoulder close to his and she has to lift her head to look into his eyes. His hand not anymore on hers. She comes closer. A treacherous proximity. Her mouth almost on his ear and her breasts scrape his back.

'' Every time I say your name i rectify tour actions. My keeper had warned me but I've never listened as a child. You see, I've never believed to our Gods or any other. Even when they called me Herald I knew I was a pawn in the mortal world and not a general in the divine plan blessed from the Maker. But you Fen'Harel '' she spits his name. '' You are my childhood nightmare. No more real than a dream. '' 

She walks three steps faces him.

''You made me believe that dreams come true. I found hope and love and the power to kill an immortal. I still have that power Fen'Harel. I killed Corypheus but was just a warm up'' 

Their closeness is electrifying. She doesn't trust her own desire, her feet refuse to take her away.

''You are fake. You wonder in the Fade because you can't handle the real world. Return to Uthenera Dread Wolf, this is Thedas now. Your Elvhenan is lost. ''

Her body appeals for more intimacy and she surrenders. 

'' Mortals observe how the Elvhen God is speechless. Have you prohibited the use of Common or are too tired to frace a sentence? I remember you always like a good debate  Fen'Shan.''

He wears a mask of anger but he doesn't have the chance to speak. She raises her hand is on his face pulling him closer.

''Don't fret. You gave me valuable experience. This world is not for you, you proved it countless time'' Sarcasm is dripping from her words.. 

''Is that what you want Ellana? You try to provoke my reaction? I am not here to convince you of my sincerity. I was always honest and tried to protect our bond without defiling it. I tried to save your soul'' 

She only hears scattered words. 

''Screw you Solas''. Whispers as she attacks him. Her teeth cut his upper  lip until it draws blood. With her tongue attempts to caress the wound but his mouth steals her breath and she moans with impatience.They are fighting in the most primitive way. He pulls her up and puts her legs around his waist. She can feel his erection and frees her hand to touch him. He cries in her mouth as her fingers find their way between them. He puts down with her back touching the ground. Long fingers touch the sensitive skin on her ribs and she shudders. She arches to help him remove her tunic but she doesn't pull away from his mouth. Her existence depends upon their nearness, she can only inhale his breaths or this is what her brain commands her.  His lips travel to her collarbone and his hands unrestricted free her from her breast band. An inferno of sensations consumes  her senses most powerful evidence the moist firestorm between her thighs. 

Flesh upon flesh and when he takes one nipple in his mouth she opens her mouth to scream. He uses this opportunity to push two fingers inside and she licks and suck them to the rhythm he gives with his tongue. 

'' When you call my name is a malediction. You should have listen to your keeper'' He turns her around face down to the ground. He hastily removes her breeches and places his face between her legs. 

'' I will always follow you sent '' 

She tries to form words but only moans escape her. Cries of pleasure stain the peaceful night. His tongue is deep in her folds as he uses his fingers to stretch her. Her hands paralysed alongside her torso. 

'' I am not done with you vhenan'' whispers with lust in his voice, not affection. 

Finally free from his grasp turns to look for his eyes. What she sees crushes her heart. 

Solas wakes up covered in sweat and unable to fill his lungs with air. His heart is pounding and touches the spot where the knife struck.

That was not his dream.

'' Dorian once draw me a diagram, I think about that.'' Cole startles him. '' Now it makes sense. But nobody died in his story''.


	3. Meetings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> well well look what we have here...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to comment. I appreciate constructive criticism. I will add more tags in the future but for now I don't want to give spoilers. Thank you for reading!

Ellana rubs her eyes using her right hand. The left is resting on her side numb and motionless. She tries to remove the pressure from her scull and wash away the dream that messed her up . Even though she was asleep for many hours she doesn't feel rested. She avoids opening her eyes, there are a few moments between the dream world and reality where every entity is free of the burden of reality. You still can detect the real world but if you don't open your eyes you can pretend is still a dream. You are a step away from consciousness, a bit further away from consequences. A few moments of serenity.

''Wakey wakey Boss''

The inevitable comes sooner than she hoped, reluctantly turns to Bull. He sits on the bed resting his chin on the top of his axe.

''Oooh you must be so so tired''

She raises her torso to look outside of the window. The day is fresh and a pale light runs on the roofs. 

''Nope, a great night. Slept like a log, quite rejuvenating actually'' liar. 

She feels the blood rushing on her cheeks.

'' I am sure you are rejuvenated Boss, the whole village heard about your rejuvenation.''

A crimson red covers her face , her ears and even her fingertips change colour.

''Another success for The Bull. I will never stop giving this village something to talk about'' He chuckles. '' They will think is meeeeee'' 

'' Just , don't''

''Really? Not a comment? After that kind of performance? For many many reasons we have to talk about it. I am all ears''

Her heart shifts in her chest and she shivers, she can still feel his hands on her, like a perfume. Ellana's expression changes . Shame written with big letters on her forehead.

'' I won't pry Boss, just be careful. I'll give you some room. If you want to tell me anything I'll be waiting for you downstairs''

'' Don't worry about me. Can you forget about it?'' But she can't.'' Order breakfast and tea. I will follow you in a minute''

Without replying Bull leaves the room. Ellana wants to scream, she hides her face on the pillow and lets a hollow howl to leave her lungs. For months and months trained her self to avoid him.She was finally free and felt proud of it. She could sleep without fear or guilt. She didn't know if it was her own need that invited him last night or his own lust. Because what they have now is only that. She is not proficient in the matters of the Fadeso she can't detect if he was a manifestation of her desire or if it was truly him. Either way , it doesn't matter now. She has to be more careful.  
Ellana starts to punch the pillows until feathers fly around like snowdrops. They rest on her shoulders and shakes her body. Indeed she is a liability. The only part that comforts her is that if he invaded her dream, he got the message.  
She cleans herself and after gathering their luggage meets Bull. He has already ordered tea and smoked fish. This time in the morning the Inn is empty. The innkeeper looks at her and winks. At least Bull enjoys the attention.

''No offence Boss, but are you able to fight? What's the deal ''

Ellana can feel the awkwardness in the moment.

'' I am a bit rusty. I haven't engaged in any physical activity for months. I can't lie. If anything happens we will mostly rely on you. But I can pool my weight''  
She tilts her head trying to catch his eyes.

'' Bianca made some alterations to my hand. I am not able to hold a dagger but apparently I don't need to hold a dagger to have a dagger'' 

'' Last chance Boss. You still want to to continue?''

'' Hey that's my queue. Knowing that,you still want to follow?''

'' I found a dracolisk and a horse. We know the paths from here to Haven like the back of our hands. If we don't have any unwanted engagements, we'll be there late afternoon''

Ellana doesn't pay attention. She plans herself their next move. She almost has their old war table in front of her. She moves the pieces around like a game of chess. What's dangerous that everything is is her head.

'' Hey are your deaf! I am talking to you .''

She spills her tea as Bull shoves her. She brings the burned flesh on her mouth.

'' Where are you Boss? Still in the dreaming land? Pick up your staff. I can't wait to get cold again. If you are good girl I might let you take a nap later on, hehehe''

They were lucky enough for once. It was a peaceful trip to Haven. It helped that they walked and fought in this paths so many times. The road to their destination was engraved to their brain so deep that they moved instinctively.  
The Divine surely had sent her agents at their foot. They but she must avoid capture at all cost. She would hate to fight her own team but they think they know what is best for her. Ellana hopes that her dream didn't gave much to him either. She laughs, there is no reason to hunt her anymore. The Breach is closed and he has the Anchor. She is useless.

It't the first week of Harvestmere and the weather started to change. A frosty breeze licks their cheeks and settles inside their lungs. It's hard to breath and it will get worse. The atmosphere gets heavier with every step, almost imprints the history of the place. The Memorial attracts many pilgrims but as winter appears fewer people visit this place. A cursed place .

They can free the mounts near the Memorial and from there they will use the mountain path trough the mines. The air turned sticky and flows like cold raisin on their skin.  
The year after the defeat of Corypheus they celebrated the Bless of Andraste in this place, she was an honoured guest. After they disbanded the Inquisition the masses forgot she ever existed. They dismissed her from their memory and treated her like a retired general. 

''My ass hurts Boss. I can't imagine how you can keep up you tiny thing''  
'' So are the bees Bull but they sting''  
She dismounted and hugged the horse. She whispers wishful things close to his ear and thanks for the long journey. Bull dismounts too but he immediately lays on the ground.  
'' We are trying to be discreet Bull''  
'' You are hugging a horse, me laying on the floor is the problem?''  
'' I remember a clearance half an hour walk form here. Is right before the entrance to the caves. We can rest there for a bit. We don't want to push our luck.  
As they walked further from the ruins the blooming nature disappears and a harsh scenery takes its place. Rocks and mosh everywhere. Dull colours but so powerful. That's why whoever build Skyhold chose this place. It reflects resilience.

Suddenly something comes down from the sky. A drop of water. Then another. She feels its cold touch running from her shoulder to her forearm.

''Oh Shit'' Shouts under her breath. The drops turned to hail and it hurts!

''This is a bad omen'' Bull yells as he runs to find a shelter.

'' Your kind doesn't believe in omens Bull''

'' My kind is your kind Boss, how you expect to change the world if you don't believe it. Anyway, you know what I mean''

'' Sorry, but you know what I mean too''

''I am messing with you! But honestly ,after our experiences I believe in everything''

They ran like headless chickens. There is no tree to take cover and luckily Bull spots a cave and he rushes her in. The rocks slip under her feet and tries to hold herself by grabbing the walls. Only their heavy breaths feel the void.

''Better than nothing'' Bull speaks first looking at her.

'' Don't worry. I am not the spoiled one'' She laughs.

''Hey don't look at me like that. The Chargers are mostly outside than inside.''

''But not Dorian''

'' Well I am not wearing his make up ''

His failed attempt for a joke boosts her mood. 

''Let's hope we won't find any spiders in here. I am so not in the mood''

''I am never in the mood. Especially after our little excursion in the Fade'' She shivers from their common memory.

A sound disrupts their thoughts and they both flinch.

'' You couldn't have said something else Bull?'' 

''Hey don't blame me! We can still get out of the cave''

''I am tired and I don't think the hail will stop soon.''

'' Then stop whining and raise your daggers.'' Holding his axe moves further in the cave.

''... sorry for not being a gentleman but I prefer to walk first this time''

'' No complaints here''

They hardly recognise any shapes or corridors to walk. They move intuitively like the time they were in the Deep Road with Valta. Weirdly, Ellana has the same feeling of intrusion. Maker, Creators and whatever else exists make that they don't disturb something, again.  
Bull stops and raises his hand.  
''Either spiders learned how to use fire and they will eat us roasted or we are not alone. Under these circumstances I don't know what is worse''

In the dark a flame flickers . It's like a lighthouse in a dark sea. She moves forward and puts her hand to her lips, she only whispers'' Rogue'' and winks.  
Bull catches her arm but with a look reassures him. In less than thirty steps the cave becomes larger and increasingly decorated with various stalactites.   
Melted candles lay on the ground and a single one still glimmers. Αn unmoved presence..of something reveals its self under the weak radiance of the flame. She prepares her weapons and moves closer.

The uncharacteristic mass appears to be human. It reeks horribly. Could be a darkspwan? Her thoughts are running. Carefully ,she takes another step and then she notices a stave. A mage? An apostate still hiding in those mountains. Not good, not good at all.  
Bull follows her moves and silently approaches the sleeping mage in order to remove the stave from his side.  
As she comes closer she can distinguish hands and feet. Bones and skin delineate the form of.....something that used to be a man. Everywhere on his body has wounds and bites and where is free of bites you can see bruises.   
The person holds his knees and even he sleeps deeply, he hugs his self so tight that his knuckles turned white. So much suffering. 

All of a sudden opens his eyes and in a silent scream reaches for his weapon, but now it rests on Bulls hands. Obviously he is alive but the cave feels like a cemetery.

''Stay where you are mage'' Bull yells.  
He surrenders without a fight. The mage drops his head and reclines on his knees. Ellana notices dry blood on his clothes. His long hair tangled , covered in dust and filth. His beard in the same state. He lifts his skeletal hands and Bull raises his axe ready to strike.  
Her heart breaks in little peaces, she can sense his misery. Sorrow spreads from his cracked lips to his black robes that now is nothing more than threads covering his body.  
She takes a breath and puts a hand on his shoulder. He twitches to her touch but he doesn't move. She can see something behind his eyes. The mage whispers.

''Do it, no more. I can't get no more, please do it'' He tries to push her dagger in his chest.

'' Hear him Boss. One less cuckoo mage in the world. To be hiding like that he must be dangerous'' 

She ignores him and turns her attention to the mage.

'' We won't hurt you , we are here to help.''

''Nope, we are not here to help'' Bull corrects her again. '' Boss you don't have a space for strays anymore. You don't even have a space for yourself. Look at him he is unstable, he is unsafe and I vote to leave him here and continue to our journey. We don't have time to waist.''

Ellana strokes the mage's hands in an attempt to show affection and not hostility. He tries to cover his wounded body in an effort to save some of his dignity.

''You are right Bull. But look at him. We sacrificed part of our lives to make sure that no one lives like this. Even if he is a criminal he deserves better. He is not a wild beast he is a man.''

''Well right now he looks more like a newborn kitty. Disgusting and in need''

'' I had a kitty once'' They both look at him surprised.

'' They took it from me, I could't keep him they said. Ser-Pounce reminded me how to be human. They didn't want humanity in the Roads''

''Fucking Andraste't tits'' She looks at the mage who is rocking at the floor.

'' Very useful detail. He had a cat and they took his cat and he chose the mountains. A sane option. Yeah''

Ellana snarls and pulls Bull to the other side.

'' He is completely nuts, promise him a cat and let's leave''

'' Weeeell. You know we had a plan right? We have to change it a little bit.''

'' For the weirdo here?'' He points at the mage.

'' We will leave .But we'll follow different directions. You go to Redcliffe and I continue to Skyhold''

''You lost it too? What is this? The cave of lost sanity? It rains stupidity in this mountains?

'' Remember out friend Varric?''

'' I am jealous of our friend Varric, he sleeps every night drunk at Kirkwall. Varric is a viscount not a fugitive. Varric ..'' She interrupts him.

''Good , you remember also his good friend''

'' The hot chick? Oh yeah. She tops my crazy/hot scale. Varric gave me lots of information. She had a mansion and ran away with the criminal''

She signals to talk less loudly.

'' Well, we found the reason you call her crazy''

''You must be shitting me!''

They both look at the mage.

''No, hahahahaha, no nono''

She returns to the mage's side.

'' Anders. I think is time to go home''

''How you...'' His eyes are empty, he can't continue.

''My friend here, he'll protect you'' She points at Bull.

''Am I now? We agreed to something I am not aware?''

Her eyes full of fury.

''We will do that for Hawke, and Varric. And me.Think about it the other way. He is a powerful mage. We might need him''

'' He was a powerful criminal. He can't even heal himself '' 

When Anders hears Hawke's name he tweaks , his eyes are moist now and he seems perplexed. 

''Is she safe?''

'' Yes, she is''

''I can't go back. I am dangerous. She ran to be safe.To be safe from me''

She talks to him like a mother.

'' She tried to protect other things..at the time. She misses you. She worries about you. Don't you want to see her happy?''

''She is happier without me''

''Oh cut the drama Broody'' Bull ads to the conversation. 

''Blondie, I am Blondie''

'' Is he messing with me?''

She cuts both of them with a gesture.

'' Bull you go first to Redcliffe, you will send Varric a message , tell him that we found his cat. Blondie is alive but weak. Tell him that it will be good to see his kittens. We have to be subtle, remember he is still a fugitive ''

'' No Boss, first I will throw him to a river, he smells like a corpse, then the message''

''Don't mention anything about me''

''You won't come with us?''

'' Told you.vI don't have time. I must meet Morrigan soon. Time is scarce''

''But..''

'' But Skyhold now is close. I will manage. No one is there. Remember? I will meet you in two days. Don't stay at the village. Remember that big cave near the mercenary fortress? Go there.''

She looks at Anders.

'' You won't run away from us right ? Please keep it together'' Her voice full of plea.

''The voices stopped''

''The voices stopped three years now Blondie but you still live like a hermit'' Bull comment sarcastically. '' I can't leave you alone Boss. Let's leave him here and we can return after we finish our job''

''No I made my mind. We must not delay.''

Bull looks at the ground and prepares to say something that obviously doesn't want.

'' If I can't change your mind, please take this''

He opens his belt pouch and removes a little sphere, he places it in her hands.

'' Please tell me that isn't what I think it is''

'' It is Boss'' Guiltily looks elsewhere.

''I trusted you!'' She spits her words and angrily shoves him to the side.

'' It's for our safety Ellana. You don't tust Dorian? Think that ...''

'' Bull, I don't trust my self'' 

She lowers her head in defeat. Bull hugs her and whispers in her ear. ''You are never alone'' , she hugs him tighter.

Anders looks at the scene with envy and somehow, a sense of belonging.

'' Enough with the team bonding guys. Anders, don't you dare get freaky on me I have an axe and I have fought a Nightmare''.


	4. I do not love you except because I love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title is from a poem by Pablo Neruda . I think it really suits this chapter. Bad Solas!

Ellana stretches her legs on the stone floor as she watches them leave. It stopped raining and they can reach Haven before it gets to dangerous. Weirdly, she doesn't feel deserted or frightened. She messes her hair and thinks loudly ''Others suffered more and they have a greater chance in happiness''

  
She is tempted to close her eyes and drift to sleep or even worse to run behind her friends and abandon her plan. Surrendering is charming. But she has to hurry . She puts her pouch on her shoulder and for one last time observes the cave. Nobody should live like this.  
The main reason she accepted her role as the Inquisitor was the opportunity it gave. She had chance to reform the outdated status quo. Ellana perceived everyone as **people**. No matter how they looked or how they felt.If they had horns or pointy ears. if they believed in one god or many. The only thing that mattered to her was that they all came from the same land, full of flaws, as the people that inhabit it.

  
So many times she argued with Solas for the same matter. Ellana felt something different on him like a shadow. Hardly there but enough to be distinguished. The way he spoke, his vast knowledge on history and magic. For an apostate was better trained than a circle mage and he claimed the opposite. Everything was suspicious and the most infuriating thing was his opinion on the Dalish . He regarded them as clueless children. An Orlesian noble has better views for her keen than him.  
Feelings always manipulate the truth and she was blinded. Like a silly girl, her actions led to disappointment. A hard way to learn and too late now for regrets.

  
She cracks her neck and it sounds like a broken stick. It's very chilly outside and the weather will get worse. Her calculations say that when she reaches Skyhold it would be deep into the night. Currently the fortress is empty and thankfully she always curries her tools. The Divine told her that they removed everything form the premises. Nowadays Skyhold opens it's doors once a year for the customary celebrations but stays a hunted castle for the rest. The Chantry employs someone to tend the gardens but he doesn't visits frequently considering Skyhold's  position .Tarasyl'an Te'las.

  
She 's almost breathless and the altitude doesn't help. In the past she could walk, run, fight endlessly but as the years pass,she feels less capable for even the simplest of actions. It's like her soul became thinner.

Behind the rocks the stronghold appears and stays still to embrace the moment. Its absolutely majestic. Ellana remembers the first time she laid eyes on it, with him beside her. In that moment she felt that all problems have solutions and at the every road leads to a spectacular surprise. It is still perfect, like a floating castle. Back then, when she turned to face him she noticed he stared back with pride. So many giveaways. So many clues that could unravel the truth but she was blindfolded with desire.

  
After she passes the main gate tries to decipher her surroundings. Its completely tranquil and lets herself relax a little. Only the wind whistles through rocks and locked windows. Feels very unnatural to be alone in this place without the keys. An intruder. Solas must be so pissed that the Chantry took hold of Skyhold. She takes a bit of pleasure thinking his reaction to that. She doesn't mind, her memories are enough.  
Ellana, in no time manages to break in the main hall. Her steps are echoing in the vast emptiness and she shivers. It isn't the cold that electrifies her skin but little wisps of forgotten recollections are pocking her heart and brain creating a wave of unnecessary emotions.

  
She shakes her head and quickens her pace .She must rush. The Eluvian is safely hidden under the trap door and from there she will travel to Morrigan. Her moves now must be precise and direct. But her feet, _**traitors**_ ,guide her to the rotunda. Like a sleepwalker follows without debating her actions. The fresco is still here. A visual ode to the inquisition, to her. The colours have faded but the subject is so powerful that the images pulsate. She puts her cheek on painted the wolf . A dusty smell coats the wall and she takes a deep breath . She loves it. Her prosthetic hand leaves marks on the painting as she spreads her arms to hug the mural. If it was possible to amalgamate with the pictures she could be happy.

  
She snaps out of the moment and stares detritus of the wall covering her boots. Angrily shoves her artificial nails deeper and walks lazily around the rotunda. When she finds the door again she looks satisfied behind her shoulder. She has to ask Leliana to repaint the room.

  
When she comes back to main hall distinctive voices reach her ears. Her blood froze inside her veins but she achieves to return to the rotunda and climbs the stairs to find a window.

  
Cold sweat stains her clothes but her skin is on fire. ''Fucking Creators and fucking Fen'Harel and his team of boldies! He is here!'' . She realises that a part of her is actually happy and wishes she would kick her self repeatedly and without mercy.  
'' Ellana dig a hole in the ground, jump inside and stay there . You will make the world a favour or stop acting like a horny mabari ''she mutters.  
She lays on the floor and tries to guess the motive behind their arrival. Probably they share the same goal and it's crucial she gets there first. She haven't seen him for almost a year and he is now here. Unfortunately he is wearing that flashy armour. Someone must advise him to remove the pelt. It's ...distracting.

  
There is no need to enter the main building. For now . Solas should remember that the Eluvian is still near the chapel in the garden, maybe they will search the undercroft too or the old war room. That ould buy her some time. She plans her next moves , she has to return to the rotunda, crawl to Cullen's room and then to the Herald's Rest Attic. The darkness outside is an advantage.

  
She counts 5 different people. Their voices are distinctive and they talk only in Elvhen. She is able too translate some of the orders

  
''Three to the garden , open all doors, two to the war room . If you don't find it search the bedrooms , unlock every door then report back. Maharis and Felassin make up camp inside''

  
So a team of seven apparently.

  
''Great'' Ellana thinks.''I am so royally screwed''.  Eventually they have to sleep and definitely won't find the trap door. If they stay inside for the night she can escape and return tomorrow. She has enough supplies to sustain herself for a couple more days. She can endure.

  
She keeps her eyes closed observing with her hearing. They search for hours and malevolently she smirks. Let them lose their time.  
Ellana almost falls asleep with her head resting on her knees, but heavy steps approach the tavern. The door opens like the old times, without violence. Someone used a key.  
She doesn't dare to breath. Her legs glue her to the floor like heavy anchors. She realises that she needs air and quietly takes a really long breath. Like emerging from the sea.

'' Ellana come down, It's only me''.

  
No sound escapes her body. She looks around like a hunted mouse trying to find a route to escape. He is calling her.

  
'' You really want to play that game? Stop acting like a child.''

  
''Well, comparing to you I am an infant'' She claps her mouth with both hands. What possessed her and answered back?

  
'' Yes, I was pointing that to you constantly  but you tried hard to prove this otherwise''

  
Touché . His voice low and charming.She walks down the stairs and repeats like a mantra 'don't break down now' .Her clothes are dirty and she probably smells. She has messy hair and dark circles under her eyes. She can't think a valid reason to why she worries about her appearance at this moment.  
Solas inclines at the bar. He has two empty glasses in front of him and he holds a carafe with red wine.

'' It's a small world Hahren.''

  
'' Yes, as it seems. I didn't expect to find you here''

  
'' What can I say,the mountain air is good for my health''

  
His expression indicates that he is not amused.

  
''Please come drink with me''. His every world emanates power and self assurance.

  
''If I knew that we're having a reunion, I would have dressed for the occasion. Excuse my appearance''

  
''No matter how many moons have seen your face, or if the wind scared your face, for me you will always be the most amazing creature I ever laid eyes on. I can reassure you, you garments are of no importance ''.

  
Ellana tries to swallow a lump stuck in her throat and ignores him.

  
''You didn't mention **your** reason fro visiting Skyhold. Is a matter of health? You seek fresh air too?''

  
She rests her elbow on the bar and pours a glass of wine. It is fresh and spicy. She definitely needs her wits but she might be dead later tonight. He doesn't answer for a while and her blood throbs in her ears.

  
''Are we really going to play with each other? I though you detested the Game. Pretending doesn't suits you''

  
'' I **still** do hate it but somehow have to keep up with you''

  
'' Let me illuminate the situation then. It is not the weather that attracted you here, nor me . I would consider as the most wise option to start sharing your knowledge on the matter. It will make things less complicated for both of us''

  
''I don't understand your meaning and surely I don't have an obligation **or** desire to share my affairs with you. **I** would advise you to forget about this and let's pretend that never happened''

  
'' But you don't have an option. You misunderstood me. I didn't started a dialogue for negotiations. I was just giving you an easy way out. What makes you think I won't get what with any means necessary . I exiled my brother to the void, do you have the false idea that I'll treat you differently?''

  
He speaks casual ,she  needs to drink more to calm her senses. That was mean.

  
'' Are you threatening me?''

  
'' You misjudged me. It wasn't a threat. I state the obvious. I realise your difficulty to assess the situation and I provide additional facts to assist you''

  
''I have to applaud your manners then'' She fake claps.

'' You never lose your upbringing. Even though let me help you with one fact that you missed. I don't care''

  
He looks at her intensely and she almost sees guild in his eyes or concern. But neither is possible. Something else darkens his features.

  
'' You should, you are not alone in this world Ellana'' His voice still smooth but edgy.

  
'' Well, we'll all be dead some day. Better me before my friends. I can't handle well the grief and I am a really loud crier''

  
She smiles and swallows more wine.

  
''You used to be optimistic''. She interrupts him.

  
'' I used to be many things. I used to have two hands for example or I used to think that someone truly loved me''

  
'' That was uncalled for'' His eyes hard on her.

  
'' **Really?** '' She moves closer. So close he can feel her breath on his skin.

  
''Really? That what's bothering you?That I don't recognise the sincerity of your affections? Seriously Solas. Let me lay the facts to help **you** assess the situation. You lied to me, you abandoned me, twice, you are a danger to my world and now you threaten me'' She pushes her finger on his chest with every word but her eyes are on the floor.

  
'' I am trying to protect you vhe..''

  
'' **Don't**. **Even**. **Dare**. Are you going to kill me? Torture me to extract the information you so much desire? I am ready for everything. My last wish will be to send a word to the ones I care about''

  
'' You still care about me too''

  
'' How obnoxious you are! I am here admitting my willingness to die than to side with you. Can't get the hint? That's why Elvenhan was destroyed. **You** people, were really dumb and the Evanuris the worst!They let you tricked them!''

  
''Once more you try to provoke me...''

  
'' I can't recall a time I tried to provoke you in the past''. But her mind flashes pictures of the dream she had and as he raises his brow her cheeks turn red.

  
'' I don't think you are being honest with me''

  
''Stop treating me like a child''

  
''I disagree. You need to be treated like a child. You need someone to protect and save you from your own mistakes.''

  
'' Can't you see the irony behind you words? You are my biggest mistake Solas'' He is so close that she can count his freckles. Her attention now only to his face and the background lost . She forgets why they're fighting or why she came. **_Traitor_** , a small voice echoes inside her rib cage.

  
'' Solas, I noticed you haven't touched the wine. I wonder. How long it will take?''

  
Pride, like his name, painted on his face.

  
''I forgot how resilient you are. I expected the potion to act sooner''

  
'' I hate you''

  
'' I don't. I won't. Never''

He hugs her and she doesn't react. She blames the potions for their embrace. How she missed his touch. It feels like home.

  
'' I will protect you even if it means to lose you forever''

  
With those words in her ears she falls asleep.


	5. Run

Ellana wakes up with a throbbing headache. Disorientated from time and space she stretches her good hand to find the glass of water that is not there. Her fingers trace rough wood and she wiggles them as if she doesn’t have a care in the world. Memories come back but she pushes them aside to oblivion.   
Her reverie doesn't last ,the cold makes her skin stretch. Her eyes survey the room and she is surprised to find that she is still in Herald’s Rest. Actually inside what it used to be Sera’s room. Warm fairs cover her body but the chill in the air affects her either way. A single candle burns in the corner and the only thing that occupies this room is herself and shadows.   
It is very unsettling that she can still smell him on her clothes. Unsettling and unfair. Without noticing she brings her sleeve closer to her nose and inhales . Pathetic elf. What else has to happen to distance herself from him? For many nights pondered on the thought that maybe a spell bounds her to Solas and it’s not her own pitiful emotions that anchor her that way. The truth is disturbing and makes her despise that person in the mirror.   
The dawn is close , a pale blue light escapes from the planks on the windows. She hangs the fairs around her and thinks of ways to escape. Probably there is a guard outside or just wards ready to alarm the whole keep. She was never particularly fond of magic but times like that she wishes she had a little within her. According to Solas, all elfs used to command the Fade. Ellana finally gets up and moves closer to the window. She pretends to look outside.  
‘It is very cold today don’t you think Solas? Yes Vhenan that’s why I brough the furs, my priority is to tend to your needs as you know. Ah Solas, but you’ll have me swoon. That means that you scratc the pan End the World nonsense? Yes Vhenan, give me your hand and let’s go frolicking to the hills as proper elfs’  
Ellana shakes head and smiles at her own stupidity.   
She is so close to her destination and time is essential. She throws herself at the locked door but her body bounces back in pain. She doesn't expect anything different but desperation leads to uncanny measures. She screams in silence opening her mouth so much it hurts. A tiny part of her frustration comes from the fact that he is not with her. Her lust for punishment fuels even more now and she paces the room with new determination.  
Something or someone knocks down the candle and the world turns gray. She holds her breath.  
‘ I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry, I didn’t expect a candle there’  
‘Cole! You are here’ She jumps half is surprise half from relief. She removes his hat and snuffles his messy hair.  
‘You need me’  
‘ Oh well, I need many things. How you manage to get in?’  
She crowl’s next to him and places a loud kiss on his cheek. Cole turns to her startled , she doesn’t know if it’s from the kiss or the questions.   
‘ You need me’ he repeats. Ellana won’t debate how he is here to help, she doesn’t need the mechanicks just the action.  
‘ I feel I am saying goodbye to everyone I meet. I feel lucky that I have the opportunity to do so. That makes any sense to you?’  
‘It does’  
‘Of course it does’  
Cole wants to speak but she knows that he doesn’t have to. Compassion isn’t always wanted even if it is needed.   
She uses his shoulder as a lever to get up and walks back to the window.  
‘ I am a prisoner but not in a cell. I can translate that in two ways. Either I am his dirty little secret and he has other plans for me or he tries to protect me from his own people. ‘  
‘You are angry and ..’ Before he finishes Ellana interrupts him  
‘Calling me angry is a euphemism. I am furious. I live only for one purpose Cole and no I don’t want to elaborate ’Her steps give a rhythm to silence and because the room is too small Cole’s head moves in a rhythm. Ellana rests on the wall and takes deep breaths.  
‘The funny thing is that I don’t give a shit anymore. For this world I mean. The one I fought for and lost friends and blood and even my entire clan. I could die for the Chargers or Charger like people where equality is not a world but actions. I am tired and disappointed and the only thing that keeps me moving is my personal vendetta.’   
‘ To me your words are empty’  
‘Sometimes it’s good to stay silent Cole’ She looks at him like an angry mum but she realises that Cole always wants to help, he doesn’t deserve her behaviour.  
‘ I am sorry, you are here to help, I assume is something more practical than a pat on the back. You lead I follow because falon I have no idea how you will get us out of here’  
Again Cole stares at her in confusion.  
‘From the door..?’ Almost a question he answers and Ellana’s hopes sutter.  
‘You won’t be in trouble for this.I mean He won’t punish you?  
‘ I am free to choose my path and Compassion help the ones who need it the most. I help him too.’  
She puffs and feels the sting of betrayal.  
‘Oh well good for you, don’t be surprised when he stubs you on the back too or ban you from the fade or something really awful that only is’ she stops there because she realizes that she acts like a child who has to share a toy.   
‘ I am going to see Moriggan, that is why I came here.’  
‘I don’t like her.’  
‘Me neither but if you had her mother you wouldn’t turn differently. Thsese people make me hate my heritage. I remember the times that the pretentious bastard told me not my people your people and made me angry but now I am so happy that he denied our common origin.’  
‘ He saw you as different. Better from both worlds.’  
‘ Imagine if he saw me as the worst of both worlds. Now I just lost a heart and a hand. Fiouh!’  
Cole somehow managed to open the door. He holds her hand tightly and his skin tingles. The tavern is dark and theirs steps are soundless. Spirit friends are handy when you need them and in a completely selfish admission she congratulates her previous decision to help Cole accept his spirit nature.   
The yard is occupied with Fen’Harels entourage. His banners red and black, a howling wolf to scare the enemies and warn the pretenders.  
She holds her breath as they pass through the tents. Out of habit she tries to locate Solas but with so many bald heads is hard to locate the one that shines the most.. Elfs or Elvhen laugh and talk to each other in apparent mirth.   
A melodic laughter better that Liliana’s voice echos through the courtyard. Even Cole stops transfixed from the sound.She can’t locate the source but she follows everyone's gaze until she sees an Elvhen lady dressed in white. She comes out of a tent followed by him. Her curiosity turned to envy turned to anger and Cole rushes her forward to avoid something probably really stupid. She has no reason and no time to feel like this. Thank the Maker she is not a mage, everyone would be on fire .

‘Who is she?’

‘ An elf from the past, like Solas but not exactly’

‘I am still not with with riddles Cole. I ask for information not a puzzle’  
‘You didn’t ask for information’  
Ellana puffs in frustration.  
‘I’ve seen her before with him. She wears a mask, everyone loves her mask’

‘Good for her, they deserve each other, with masks and false identities’ Her hand clutches even harder around Col. ‘ How much have you seen?’

His eyes lost in confusion and she feels his brain struggling to find an answer.

‘ Oh I don’t want to give you brain damage’

‘What, why you’re asking?

‘ Because with you there is no point pretending’


End file.
